Winter Love

Is anyone else tired of hearing about the weather? Seems like every time I look at social media, there is another status about the cold, or the snow, or the wind chill….

That complaining done, I too am going to talk about the weather. My not-so-secret secret is that I  actually enjoy the cold. I understand that part of my enjoyment comes from the fact that I have a warm home to retreat to in times of bitter weather, but I recognize that and count it as a blessing. That understanding aside, I love walking out bundled in all my knits. The moment I open the outer door I feel an instant and overwhelming urgency to live. Cold infuses a deep passion in me to walk further, open my eyes wider, and breathe more deeply. Extreme cold shocks my nerves into remembrance that I am made of fire, light, and bright things. In comparison, extreme heat just makes me feel like a gelatinous blob of water that should probably just stay still and continue to melt (and be horrendously miserable). 

Winter is a time of precision. The branches of the trees tracing ink lines in the sky drawing the eye upward to the crisp motion of birds and, when the sky is not a sheet of slate gray dullness, the early moonrise. Snow falling is the most holy of silences, with flakes falling in delicate spirals of delicious force. The world feels so vulnerable and the bitterness biting my face sings of my own vulnerability. Nature can still level and stun me. I am barely capable of surviving it outside of the comfort of my own home, but this does not cause me fear. This knowledge causes me to grit my teeth and remember my brightness. For stars still gleam on frozen nights and the tiny sparks of Spring are just waiting for the moment when they can come forth and dance. Winter is for patience and dancing in one’s  vulnerability in the midst of the vast forces of this beautiful place.

Everything That Has Happened

I feel like I have been flung into a completely unfamiliar universe that is trying to play at being familiar. I suppose that happens in a sudden upheaval. When I moved to Florida, everything was different, from faces to the fact that seasons disappeared. I find a delicious comfort in that. As I said, adapting to a new place is one of my chief delights. Now, I am back in a place where the cold rips right to your ribs, and I recognize the faces and places that once required evolution on my part. None of this makes much sense to those who are only acquainted with my adventures through the blog. So, I shall lay out all that has happened since I posted last

– I visited a relative whom I shall call the Silver Lady. She took me on many a wonderful adventure from cracking pecans, to a shop full of curiosities, to a restaurant of the most delectable southern cooking ever to grace my meagre palette. A trip that shall definitely receive its proper due in a later post.

– My most recent job became a thing of the past. The contract was up, and I thus left with the park with no regrets and no intention of returning for another season. I do not wish to outline the reasons in this venue. Suffice it to say that I have only so long to seek an opportunity to enjoy what I do more often than I do not, and I refuse to let that time fly from me.

-I left Florida. With the job over, and no intention of seeking another season, I decided it was time to fly northwards again. The accessibility of the east coast is much easier to tap when not at the very southern tip of the country. Also…..I did not want to stay in that location. I am a child of seasons, and a lover of the cold. Not many agree with me, but I would rather be shaking from the organs outward with chill than be an inconsolable puddle of melting misery, with the heat peeling out every ounce of strength. I like to be reminded of how special the sun really is, and I love a winter landscape. The trees are exposed and vulnerable. Standing against the sky they look human. Much as Florida’s constant greenery is a beauteous sight, I crave change in the things I see every day. There are other reasons far more practical, but I deeply missed winter, and that in my mind was just a good a reason as any.

-I said goodbye to those I would miss. For some, I was able to bid them farewell at a local bar on the  evening of our last day. Most of the seasonals ended on the same day I did, so we gathered at a bar to enjoy drinks and contemplate our varying amounts of freedom. For others, I managed to meet up with them at places of good food and drink, swapping final stories and promises of contact. Though my heart did clench slightly, I also have distinct feeling temporary when it comes to goodbye. My industry is far too small for truly permanent leave-taking. Eventually, you will see everyone again.

– I made the move in a car, and Handsome joined me for the ride. He flew down just to help me pack, clean my apartment, and escort me from Florida all the way to my new dwelling in New Jersey. Odd as it may sound, Handsome and I do really well in a car for hours at a time. Though we have certainly known each other long enough to have exhausted our topics of conversation, somehow, we still manage to fill hours with talk that makes those hours move as smoothly as dark chocolate. Thus, the trip was well and truly a pleasure.

-I moved in with the parental units. As happens with early adulthood, sometimes we need to live somewhere that allows us to get our bearings before striking out on the next adventure. My parentals are being extremely gracious, and I expect that I will not be with them overlong. The nice thing is, they are glad to have me with them. Even nicer, I am glad to be with them as well.  The house is not the one I spent my childhood within, nor the dreary in between place they had for a time. This house is large, and holds light like a stained glass window. Every room is a cheerful color, so that the overall effect is akin to the inside of a box containing pastel Skittles. A mile from the beach, a minute from a gym, and situated so that I am only three hours from most of my friends, the house is a good place to sit and breathe for a time.

I am now visiting Baltimore, where a good chunk of my community is found. There is a new play festival here, and, although I care little for football, with a town that loves their team so obsessively, I couldn’t possibly not stay for the Super Bowl. I have been delighted to see those that I love, eat incredible food, listen to new works, and make dinosaur landscapes using mashed potatoes, broccoli, and dino-shaped chicken nuggets. There is joy, sadness, and strangeness all bound in me right now. But, as I said, such is to be expected with such a major upheaval, and there is much still to do before the sorting of myself can occur. So as usual, hobey ho! So we go.