But I Want it Now!

Here is a huge problem with me; when I see something I desperately want, or think of something I desperately want, I want it immediately. Wow, I am such a unique individual considering no one else (especially not in ye’ olde’ American culture) can empathize with that issue. Seriously though, I have a deep struggle to put off obtaining the things I want, even when I know they will eventually be acquired. I remember when I went on an amazing trip to Europe when I was 10 years old. My parents are kind of the most wonderful people alive, and they bought me plenty of wonderful things instantly upon request (especially my mom who is the most notorious of souvenir shoppers). When we arrived in Oberammergau, Germany, we went to peruse the shops. I collected marionettes at the time, and I stumbled upon a beautiful horse puppet that I wanted with that immediate intensity that lacks all concern for outward circumstance; in other words, the intensity of a child’s desire. My parents heard me beg, and assured me that they would come back for the glorious creation, but right now we had to move onward. Being my wondrous angelic self, I proceeded to pout and look as miserable as possible for the rest of the shopping trip. My mom was aware of my silliness, but she basically let me have my quiet tantrum for a while. Before returning to our hotel for the evening, she knelt down and looked me very seriously in the face before saying, “Sweetheart, what is with the pout? It’s not as if we said no to the horse. We are going back for it, we just can’t do it right this second. So why are you acting as if we said no?” I remember the bubble of frustration exploding in my chest, not because I was angry at my parents, but because I was furious with my own unreasonable feelings. Even at ten, I knew I was being absolutely ridiculous, but I did not know how to curb the petulance and frustration of not having the object immediately in my grasp. I did eventually get the toy, but I can still feel that fire hurting my chest whenever I think about the day before the purchase. Alas, I still fight that little ten-year old with all the things I want. It is not enough to know that I can get them at the end of the week, or even with the next pay check, the wait still causes an absolutely unholy level of irritation that does not at all befit the situation. Why is it so necessary to have the thing “right now”? True I can justify some of the urgency when it comes to things like fine fiber that may be sold at any moment, but even that is a flimsy excuse considering there will always be another braid that I love just as deeply. The reason is simple and everyone knows it well. We feel compelled to acquire things quickly because we are conditioned to believe that they will disappear if we do not act immediately. “Get it Before It’s Gone!,” “One Day Only!,” “Limited Time Offer!,” “Don’t Miss the Opportunity of a Lifetime!.” This is the barrage we live with every day, and my parents wondered why I was proving such a petulant brat. Well, I now work to squish that petulance. You can take your “Limited Offer”‘s, and your Missed Opportunities and shove it down a garbage disposal. I can wait for the things I want, and when I do get them, they will be all the sweeter because I did not waste my time with pouting.


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