Driving Large Vehicles and an Evening Well Spent

My normal pattern to the day is pretty simple, and usually allows me to do dinner fairly early and relax most of the evening. Well, that certainly went up in smoke this evening in a most glorious and heart-warming fire. First, and having not much to do with the evening running late, I got to drive the van today! And no there were no accidents or injuries to speak of, although there was a moment in the beginning where I was stunningly beautiful when it came to actually starting the darn thing. Thankfully only Sassafras and Papa Duck were actual witnesses to my excellent display of good looks. Anyway, I was a little nervous when Baloo clipped the keys to my pocket and to told me I was driving the van. Until this afternoon I had never driven anything larger than a Rav4, and that was years ago for a hot second. Thankfully, the van drove far more smoothly than I anticipated and we arrived completely intact to our destination. I arrived back feeling more energetic than usual because my work was fairly low activity (testing a never ending black hole of Christmas joy), so I decided to take this energy to the gym. Wouldn’t ya know, I ran into a friend that I made at the pool yesterday, and we had a lovely chat. Then, Wonder Woman called, and I became engrossed in that conversation until well past my normal dinner time which reduced me to another hodgepodge food night. To top all of this off, I need to be sure I get extra rest this evening, because guess who is joining some of her coworkers bright and early to have coffee with the President of the park. Yup, this girl (sans coffee for me. Intake of caffeine in front of the park president would be a surefire way to terminate my employment). I will be sure to come bearing all the delectable details of that chat on the morrow.

Out takes (dollar store win!)

So, you know how most dollar stores should actually be called, “Starting at $1”? Well, the one down the street from me actually has everything priced at a dollar. I grabbed this one frame to see if it would fit these beautiful prints I acquired on my last birthday. Guess who is totally going back to pick up more frames later this week 🙂


But I Want it Now!

Here is a huge problem with me; when I see something I desperately want, or think of something I desperately want, I want it immediately. Wow, I am such a unique individual considering no one else (especially not in ye’ olde’ American culture) can empathize with that issue. Seriously though, I have a deep struggle to put off obtaining the things I want, even when I know they will eventually be acquired. I remember when I went on an amazing trip to Europe when I was 10 years old. My parents are kind of the most wonderful people alive, and they bought me plenty of wonderful things instantly upon request (especially my mom who is the most notorious of souvenir shoppers). When we arrived in Oberammergau, Germany, we went to peruse the shops. I collected marionettes at the time, and I stumbled upon a beautiful horse puppet that I wanted with that immediate intensity that lacks all concern for outward circumstance; in other words, the intensity of a child’s desire. My parents heard me beg, and assured me that they would come back for the glorious creation, but right now we had to move onward. Being my wondrous angelic self, I proceeded to pout and look as miserable as possible for the rest of the shopping trip. My mom was aware of my silliness, but she basically let me have my quiet tantrum for a while. Before returning to our hotel for the evening, she knelt down and looked me very seriously in the face before saying, “Sweetheart, what is with the pout? It’s not as if we said no to the horse. We are going back for it, we just can’t do it right this second. So why are you acting as if we said no?” I remember the bubble of frustration exploding in my chest, not because I was angry at my parents, but because I was furious with my own unreasonable feelings. Even at ten, I knew I was being absolutely ridiculous, but I did not know how to curb the petulance and frustration of not having the object immediately in my grasp. I did eventually get the toy, but I can still feel that fire hurting my chest whenever I think about the day before the purchase. Alas, I still fight that little ten-year old with all the things I want. It is not enough to know that I can get them at the end of the week, or even with the next pay check, the wait still causes an absolutely unholy level of irritation that does not at all befit the situation. Why is it so necessary to have the thing “right now”? True I can justify some of the urgency when it comes to things like fine fiber that may be sold at any moment, but even that is a flimsy excuse considering there will always be another braid that I love just as deeply. The reason is simple and everyone knows it well. We feel compelled to acquire things quickly because we are conditioned to believe that they will disappear if we do not act immediately. “Get it Before It’s Gone!,” “One Day Only!,” “Limited Time Offer!,” “Don’t Miss the Opportunity of a Lifetime!.” This is the barrage we live with every day, and my parents wondered why I was proving such a petulant brat. Well, I now work to squish that petulance. You can take your “Limited Offer”‘s, and your Missed Opportunities and shove it down a garbage disposal. I can wait for the things I want, and when I do get them, they will be all the sweeter because I did not waste my time with pouting.

Dream Spinning

The day itself is proving to be fairly quiet, although I did get a chance to talk to one of my dear friends,Newsqueen, on the phone which completely warmed my life all over (and hopefully a chat with Persephone on the morrow!). However, I have been receiving many subtle urges to think a little more beyond this day. First of all, I awakened to a message that another blogger liked one of my posts. After looking over her blog, http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com/, I was utterly enchanted by all of her adventures. Add to this the fact that I listened to a wonderful podcast, Cogknitive, and the fabulous Dr. Gemma’s strategy of the episode spoke directly to my heartstrings. Basically, the strategy was to live as if you are not afraid. She spent a great deal of time talking about a fellow podcaster’s son who is going to hike the Colorado trail, and that he had taken the time to plan the expedition well so that he could do it without fear. She encouraged me, and all her listeners, to dream of doing the sorts of things that might make us appear a little crazy. Not to dream in an impulsive manner, but to really plan and think with an endpoint so that our castles may some day have foundations in reality. Both these media, podcast and blog, began to gently push my mind into one of my own dream castles that currently sits in a fragile place in the heavens. I am so young, just a baby really. When else am I going to have the time and the lack of responsibilities to pursue the things I admire in the clouds? Already I can feel myself getting tangled in the quagmire of the adult world, and it sings very sweetly that I should just relax in the swamp where I am and just build from that. No. No. No. I refuse that song for now. I will concede the battles I must, and surrender what is necessary to survive here. However, I want to dream, and I want to dream with conviction and an active pursuit of making those phantasms a reality. My mind has already started the planning, but it is too fragile to write about the specifics now. I need to sit on it for a while, let it hatch, feed it in the tempestuous stages, and then, only when it is ready, jump on its back to fly away. Castles and gryphons, such is the stuff I imagine my dreams are spun from.

Listening (classes, coworkers, tapping)

Oi what a day! Can we talk about how much was accomplished in this one day alone? Excellent, I am so glad you are pumped. So, traipsed off to the DMV this morning to start the process of getting myself all Florida registered, which meant a shiny new license. Thank God a thousand times over that I got myself there hella early, because the line had already started and was at least 30 people long by the time the thing actually opened. I was immediately and most kindly served by a lovely woman named Toni, who not only took care of my immediate license need, but also gave me all sorts of helpful information for the actual registration portion of my process anddddd she also registered me to vote. All of this only took about a half hour which meant I got to work within okay time. Today found me in the Christmas portion of our warehouse with a task that I cannot go into detail about (again, top secret), but Sassafras and Pierrepont made wonderful company. Sassafras also came bearing the news that the park was offering a driving safety class today that we all were scheduled to attend!!! Why is that so exciting? Well, unless you go through this 3 hour course, you as employee are not allowed to operate any company vehicle, even something as simple as a golf cart. It also does not help that the class is not offered very often as was evidenced by the fact that the one today is probably the last until next season. I am extremely lucky that I was able to attend one at all, let alone so early in my employment. The class was fairly straightforward with some deliciously ridiculous videos to keep us all from checking out. I am now immediately good to drive our big van, and I have every intention of seeking out certification to drive some of the other bad boys so stay tuned. I spent the last portion of my day happily listening to the Philosopher, a coworker who has a wonderful depth for intelligent conversation. This listening passed my final hour, and then it was home where I cleaned my place before sitting down here. I still am utterly relieved to have the new license and that the end to this dilemma is in sight. Although, I look at the new piece of plastic and I feel strangely moved. Sort of like that moment when you go to push the puzzle piece into placed and it fights back a little, even though it clearly is supposed to go in that place. That kickback is always that whisper, the one that taps quietly for the moment. Eventually, it will get loud enough to make my skin itch again, but not yet. Quiet enough for the moment with only a shift here and there to remind me of its presence. Don’t worry, I will never stop listening.

Water Rat

I love swimming. My mom always called me a water rat, and the title is totally appropriate. I could spend all day suspended in the water, just diving in and out, purely languishing in the sensation. There may be some things about where I live that I am not so keen on (the despicable heat and certain motor vehicle laws are the two big ones at the moment), but I feel like an absolute princess simply because I have access to a pool every day. When I was younger, we were allowed to go to the pool located in the condominium village behind my house. While the pool was large an wonderful, going to it meant a bit of a walk and, for a long time, the willingness of my father to take me. My two biggest childhood desires were a horse and a pool in our own yard. We owned a hot tub, and I totally misused that thing into the ground, basically treating it as an extension of my bathtub that was almost a pool(ish). Any place I can swim is paradise be it beach, lake, or pool. Though the pool here is small, it is well kept and it is water that I can immerse myself in after a long day at work. Do you want to know one of my favorite sensations? Jumping into a pool (I never enter slowly), and rather than immediately surfacing, staying on the bottom to feel the bubbles rush upwards. They brush all over my skin and through my hair like thousands of beads vortexing across my pores. Try it some time, feels like you are inside a laugh.

Out takes (more magic)

This other whorl is just as magnificent, and has been dubbed Eddard (Ned for short). Name so inspired by a most distinguished character from the Game of Thrones series.

“What do you think?’ his father asked. Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he is afraid?’
‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.” from Game of Thrones:A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. Martin.

A Price I Pay

The last two days have been a bit of blur of work and taking care of a situation with my car. While I don’t want to go into too much detail with the car here, suffice it to say that the growing pains of moving to a new state are super awesome (the same way a root canal is super awesome). Otherwise, I have been working steadily on all sorts of different tasks. I went on an expedition with Goofy and Smalls the other day to move some stuff across the park (top-secret, can’t elaborate), and the rest of my work life is mainly taken up with repairing cords while happily chatting with Sassafras (super cool new coworker) as she fixes lights. Also, I learned how to low-whorl drop spindle as the picture below clearly shows, and I have every intention of test driving the other whorl tonight. I find myself in an odd mix of near-volatile stress and still-water calm as I wind my way through the cantankerous situation before me, and the rest of the goodness surrounding the immediate. I sometimes wonder if anyone else ever has to fight anxiety just to do basic things. For example, the idea of potentially arriving late to work terrifies me. Ridiculous, especially considering how reasonable my employers are, but that fact does little to quiet my stomach. The procedure is simple, my reasons would certainly not be frivolous, and still I can feel myself losing weight just thinking about it (yes I stress off weight, no it is not as cool as it sounds, especially considering that is likely to reverse as I get older). This discomfort does not just extend to the afore mentioned situation, but accompanies almost anything I have to accomplish down to something as simple as calling in prescriptions. However, as I said in a previous post, I find I am making progress in this department. True I will not be totally content until I have all the proper papers in my hand (notice how everything comes down to a piece of paper?), but I also do not rely on any flimsy hope of homeostasis. If it is not this thing, it will be another. Lost mail, forgotten bills, misunderstandings, unknown factors, they are always going to be there. Thus, I work to develop good management habits rather than rely on the world to not throw poop at me, because, uh, yeah right like the world is ever going to stop that service. I suppose we all have our level of maintenance, and mine just happens to be high. But with that comes the trade off of hyper-awareness that allows me to take so much joy in everything around me on a consistent basis. Tis a price I pay gladly, and now off to spin. 

Out takes (magic)

Meet Marya (Masha as a pet name). Her name is inspired by the protagonist of the book I just finished. This is the lighter weight whorl of the two Baloo gave me. This spindle works so well, I have to suspect magic 🙂

“And when they had reached the light, Marya seized him close to her, spun around three times, laid her finger on the side of her nose, and disappeared.” from Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente